You Do This for Everyone Already
I think a lot of women picked up the idea that their own health comes after everyone and everything else has been handled. And most of us go along with that without thinking twice, because putting everyone else first seems like the right thing to do, and in plenty of ways it is. But it costs the person doing it, and most of what it costs comes out of her own health.
When a woman tells me she doesn't have time to take care of herself, I believe her. It isn't an excuse. She's telling me what her day actually looks like. Taking care of the people in your life matters, and I'd never ask anyone to give that up. What I want is for your own health to get more than whatever's left of you when the day is done, in the life you've actually got right now.
When there really isn't any time
For plenty of women the day's spoken for before it even starts. By bedtime you're worn out, so whatever you'd been meaning to do for yourself gets set aside again. And even when there's a little time here and there, it tends to come in pieces. Take the time while dinner's cooking, for example. You're also moving the laundry over and half listening to someone tell you about their day, so that time was never really yours to begin with.
Whatever's left over for you usually doesn't show up until late at night, once the house is quiet and nobody needs anything from you. That's when you finally scroll for a bit, or watch your show, or just sit there. It makes complete sense that you'd want that. The trouble is that it usually comes straight out of your sleep, and there's a lot going on while you're asleep.
Sleep is one of the first things I ask about, no matter what someone came in to see me for, because while you're asleep, your body is healing. Tissue gets repaired, and the hormones that keep your hunger and your energy steady get sorted out. When you don't get enough of it, that work doesn't all get done, and you wake up the next morning already in a deficit. Not sleeping enough also makes you hungrier the next day, and it pulls you toward the quick stuff, sweet and salty both. So if you keep going back to the pantry after a late night, the lack of sleep is very likely part of what's going on.
Eating gets squeezed in the same way, into the minutes left between everything else, which means what you eat tends to get picked by whatever you can manage with one hand. It's a handful of chips or crackers while you're helping with something, the last few bites off a plate before it goes in the sink, or nothing at all until you're so hungry that whatever's closest wins. Food like that goes down fast and doesn't stay with you very long, because there isn't much protein or fiber in it to slow things down. So you're hungry again sooner than you'd expect, and you end up picking at things all day without ever really feeling fed.
What it takes out of you
None of this happens all at once. From the outside you probably look like you're handling everything just fine, because you are getting it all done. But you're doing it on not enough sleep and meals that never really carry you, and your body notices that even when nobody around you does. It can show up as your patience running out earlier in the evening than it used to, or sitting at the table with the people you love while your mind is already three things ahead, or forgetting things you never used to forget and then being frustrated with yourself about it on top of everything else. Not getting enough sleep and uneven blood sugar can both do that to people. You keep everything going, and none of it gets the best of what you've got.
All of that coming at you doesn't only wear on your body. The stress of carrying it keeps building, and for some women it turns into anxiety that never quite shuts off. That's usually when the second-guessing starts. She figures that if nothing showed up as physically wrong, it must be in her head, and she just can't keep her emotions under control anymore. The stress part is real. Running on limited sleep does make emotions more difficult to manage, because a tired brain has less to work with, and things that wouldn't normally get to you do. That's her body responding to what it's been carrying, and it doesn't mean she's lost control of herself. What isn't right is the in-her-head part. If the anxiety or a low mood keeps hanging on, that deserves real support from someone who works with it, alongside everything else.
So when people tell me they don't have time for their health, what I tell them is that if you don't make time for your health now, your body will eventually force you to. It's a lot like skipping the oil changes on your car because there's never a good time to take it in. It keeps running, so it's easy to put off, until one day it doesn't, and then you're looking at a much bigger repair than the oil change ever would have been. Plenty of women do everything right and still end up sick, and that's not what I'm talking about here. What I mean is the part you do have some say over. A body that keeps going without any upkeep tends to want more from you later, more appointments and more recovering and more time off your feet, and giving it a little room now usually asks less of you than waiting does.
And if you're dragging in a way that doesn't let up, don't wait on it, and don't wait until you've got the sleep and the food sorted out first. That's worth getting checked, because a sleep problem like sleep apnea, low iron, a thyroid that isn't keeping up, or a hormone shift can all feel a lot like a busy life. Anything that comes on suddenly, or that's severe, like chest pain or trouble breathing, needs emergency care right away. And anything new that worries you is worth a call to your provider's office that same day.
Room that still holds on a busy week
The usual advice is to clear your calendar or pencil in some time for yourself. But a calendar block assumes you're going to get a quiet, uninterrupted hour, and most weeks that isn't the life you're living. So when I work with someone on this, I'm not trying to find her an hour she doesn't have. I'm trying to help her build something small and sturdy enough that it still happens on the weeks that go sideways, more like keeping up with the oil changes than waiting for the big repair. I also don't hand anyone a list of new things to start all at once. I'd rather start with whatever's bothering her the most, because that's the thing she's most likely to stick with.
So what that first small thing looks like depends on where it's wearing on you the most. If it's the eating, and cooking is the part that wears you out, the thing to aim for is having dinner already handled before you get to the night you can't face it. On the nights you do cook, make twice what you need and put the extra in the freezer. That way you're not adding a cooking day to a week that's already full, you're just getting more out of the cooking you're already doing. And if there's anyone else in the house, give them a job while you're at it, because it goes faster and it doesn't all land on you. Then on the night you've got nothing left, dinner's waiting, and it just needs heating up, instead of standing there trying to figure out what to make. And if what you've got ready has some real protein in it, it'll stay with you a lot longer than a handful of chips or crackers would, because protein takes longer to break down.
If it's the sleep, I'm not going to tell you to give up the only quiet part of your day. But it helps to give that part of the night an end, a time when you call it done even if there are still dishes in the sink, because the dishes can wait until morning a lot more easily than your body can make up for the sleep. Getting outside for ten or fifteen minutes when you first get up helps too, since daylight early in your day helps set your body's clock, and that makes it easier to get sleepy when it's time to sleep. If you work nights, it's the same idea on a different schedule. Get that light when you're waking up, even if that's the middle of the afternoon, and keep it out of your eyes when you're heading home to sleep in the morning. And if your body has limits on what it can do right now, ask your provider what makes sense for you.
It's also worth deciding ahead of time what the bad-week version looks like, because some weeks are going to fall apart no matter how well you've planned. Maybe on those weeks it's just having something already made in the freezer and nothing else. And if you miss a day, that doesn't undo what you've built. You just pick it back up the next day.
Some of the room has to come from other people, too, and that's also where some of that constant background stress can start to let up. Being told to go take some time for yourself doesn't help much if nobody actually takes anything off your plate so you can. One thing that can work really well is trading off. If there's a sister, a friend, or a neighbor in a similar spot, you take her kids and handle dinner one night, and she does the same for you another night. That way each of you gets a night where you're not in charge of everyone. The saying is that it takes a village to raise a child. What I've seen is that the village does just as much for the women in it. And if kids aren't part of your life, the same kind of trade can work with whatever you're carrying, like taking turns checking in on an aging parent, or splitting a batch of meals with a friend. If you've got a partner, it can be as simple as them handling dinner two nights a week, start to finish, instead of just telling you to go rest.
And your own appointments can get the same treatment you'd give anyone you look after. If someone you took care of had a follow up coming, you'd make sure it happened. Yours can be the last thing on the calendar to get moved instead of the first.
Once one small thing has a steady place in your day, the next one usually comes a little easier, because you've already made some room and you've already managed to keep it.
You know how to take care of people. You do it for everyone around you, without anyone having to ask. I just want you to start counting yourself as one of them.
Disclaimer & A Note from a Caring Practitioner:
My goal is to translate complex wellness concepts into relatable ideas to support your journey. The explanations I provide are simplified models intended for general education and motivation, based on both clinical patterns and established wellness principles. They are not complete medical explanations, diagnoses, or personal advice.
Every person's body is unique. Your individual health needs, experiences, and underlying conditions must be evaluated by your own healthcare provider. This information is educational only and is never a substitute for professional medical consultation, diagnosis, or treatment. Always partner with your personal healthcare provider before making changes to your health regimen.
